Tuesday, January 13, 2009

2006 Top 25 Matches of the Year

My original idea for this was to go through each year of WWE pay-per-view that I have easy access to and come up with lists of the best 25 matches from each year. Then I realized that I would always run into more matches on various DVDs I had from each year, not just WWE but all kinds of stuff, and I had might as well not limit myself to just WWE PPV. These lists will be ongoing, meaning I will watch whatever from whatever year and keep running lists that realistically never actually end. I don't know if this explanation makes sense, I will have to hope that the damn things speak for themselves.

1. Rey Mysterio v Randy Orton, WWE No Way Out
2. John Cena v Triple H, WWE WrestleMania
3. Kurt Angle v Undertaker, WWE No Way Out
4. Trish Stratus v Mickie James, WWE WrestleMania
5. Shawn Michaels v Vince McMahon, WWE WrestleMania
6. MNM v Matt Hardy and Tatanka, WWE No Way Out
7. JBL v Lashley, WWE No Way Out
8. Chris Benoit v JBL, WWE WrestleMania
9. Undertaker v Mark Henry, WWE WrestleMania
10. Booker T v Chris Benoit, WWE No Way Out
11. Matt Hardy v Shelton Benjamin v Finlay v Rob Van Dam v Lashley v Ric Flair, WWE WrestleMania
12. Edge v Mick Foley, WWE WrestleMania
13. Kurt Angle v Randy Orton v Rey Mysterio

2. John Cena v Triple H, WWE WrestleMania

The storyline surrounding this match was stupid. Well, maybe that's not fair. The match is worked as wily vet HHH can outwrestle young stud Cena and Cena will have to outsmart HHH to win. You can work a storyline around this which doesn't feature the challenger calling the champion a bad wrestler and saying that it will be the easiest match of his life. Not sure why they decided to go that direction, instead of just wily vet v young stud. But hey, at least this isn't a Kurt Angle match and the guy you're billing as the superior wrestler doesn't get outclassed on the mat right away. They actually work the match pretty fucking spectacularly. Cena goes right to work TRYING to outwrestle HHH, but is turned away at every attempt with HHH finally just smirking and telling him to bring it. HHH then plays to the crowd and Cena says 'fuck this' and brings the brawling. Of course HHH made his name in brawls, really you're going to find more Triple H brawls than Triple H mat clinics, but no, Triple H is a Race and Flair mark so you're going to book him like that. Whatever, fuck the booking because the actual match comes off really well. I love good tightly executed wrestling just as much as the next guy but I am more about stories and characters. There are some really brutal clotheslines being thrown around here, and I love how Cena grabs HHH's hand on the second STF-U attempt to prevent him from getting to the rope (it feels like a natural extension of the move, similar to how Angle will grapevine the ankle lock if the ankle lock by itself doesn't get the job done, but without bastardizing the extension by going for it three minutes into the match and having it not win), but this match is all about the stories and characters. It's also about the crowd, which is fucking electric and eats everything they do up. The camera shows various people in the crowd after some of the nearfalls and they are absolutely losing their shit. Chicago totally brought it for the main event. The commentary is also great, low-key but dramatic. Some of the exchanges between Ross and Lawler remind me of some exchanges I have with my friend Allie. In this comparison, I am Ross, who predicts one thing or another for a specific reason, and she is Lawler, who disagrees because of something or other. I have these conversations with Allie often, I am always right, as Ross is. Coincidentally, I am a fat Oklahoman and she is inexplicably pink and has a thing for young girls. Cena wins by submission, the young stud having overcome the wily vet's experience and outsmarted him to win the match. Pretty fantastic stuff. I once has this as my #1 match of 2006, I'm putting it at #2 for now, wouldn't be too surprised to see it stay there. I don't think Triple H has had a better match since this one.

4. Trish Stratus v Mickie James, WWE WrestleMania

Trish/Mickie was easily the best built storyline heading into WrestleMania 22. A lot more people would care about women's wrestling if they could do storylines like this more often, however this sort of thing really only comes along once in a while, and maybe that's what makes this one so memorable. Mickie hasn't aged so well since 2006; I still love her, but she looks a lot more than three years older now. Trish looks about the same, which isn't that surprising because she got out of wrestling. This match is actually pretty ridiculous. They bring the fucking hate, sure they're not stiffing each other in the face, but you definitely feel the hate through the strikes and facial expressions a lot more than in the hardcore match. Fuck, they bring the hate better than Benoit brought the hate, and Benoit is a family murderer who's match is built around 'asshole making fun of your dead best friend'. This is just the most intense women's match WWE has run in years, Mickie is totally into her psychopath character, Trish is great as fired-up overcoming babyface, I just love everything about the match. Sure they botch the finish, but who cares, this is great.

5. Shawn Michaels v Vince McMahon, WWE WrestleMania

Sometimes, execution be damned, you just want a fun, story-driven, shenanigans-filled McMahon brawl. That's exactly what this is, and if you said Shawn and Vince were having a street fight at WrestleMania, you could probably predict exactly how this would go. These two had been feuding for like four months at this point and this is a pretty suitable blow-off. The Spirit Squad comes out to interfere once again, only this time Shawn fights them off. Vince gets the upper hand when Shawn has his back turned, only this time Shawn fights him off. Shane comes in with the sneak attack, only this time Shawn fights HIM off. Vince and Shane try to re-induct Shawn into the Kiss My Ass club, only Shane ends up kissing the golden globes. Shane brings out handcuffs and a kendo stick, Shawn handcuffs Shane to the ropes and beats the shit out of him with said kendo stick. Everything that the McMahons have done to Shawn in the past four months have come back to haunt them as he turns the tables on each and every trick the present. It's poetic justice and Shawn, for all his faults as a brawler (namely that he has pretty shitty looking punches), is the perfect guy to convey the hate and emotion needed for this type of match. The finish, where Shawn can't decide what exactly would be the suitable end for Vince, ultimately deciding on an elbow drop off the top of the tallest ladder onto Vince who is wearing a garbage can and laying on a table, is extraordinarily decadent but extremely fitting at the same time. It's a fucking McMahon feud, what do you expect, moderation? In the end this is a really fun "Shawn gets his ultimate revenge" match, with Vince getting what he wanted (Shawn to return to the 1997 Shawn, which we get through crotch chops, spitting, nose blowing, and everything else) anyway. The perfect blow-off to a feud that inexplicably continued anyway.

8. Chris Benoit v JBL, WWE WrestleMania

So Smackdown! is putting out these awesome, well-worked snug matches every week with their core of guys just under the main event. Come WrestleMania this core is split up and the only representation of what Smackdown! midcard wrestling in early 2006 is this US title match. Cole and Tazz question why Benoit is working JBL's neck, and it's such a stupid question, as if Benoit's finisher doesn't involve a weakened neck. Just ask Daniel. Anyway this match is more about JBL's heel shtick than super tight wrestling, though you do get that, but it's cool because JBL is such a heat machine that it works. It really makes sense to book this more as chickenshit heel going over tough honorable champion anyway, the only other heel going over is Edge and he's not getting the chickenshit booking, then your main event heels are cool heel who panders to crowd (HHH) and asshole heel (Orton), semi-main heels are monster (Henry) and old man getting his ass handed to him (Vince). Booker works chickenshit but he is losing. So having JBL use every trick in the book - using Jillian as a human shield so he can poke Benoit in the eye, taunting the crowd with Eddie's old taunts, using Eddie's moves against Eddie's best friend, grabbing the ropes to get the the win - works out great, especially because JBL is so great at that shit. Benoit's struggle to get his arms locked in the crossface looks kind of stupid because he has nothing to struggle against except for his steroid veins which I guess robs his arms of their aerodynamics? I don't know but it's pretty dumb. But the Benoit revenge three amigos spot looks great (when don't Benoit's suplexes look great?) and is an awesome comeuppance spot. JBL rolls through it anyway and grabs the ropes for the win, classic chickenshit heel style. Match kinda feels inconsequential but it's fun.

9. Undertaker v Mark Henry, WWE WrestleMania

'Taker is a guy who has anchored Smackdown! pretty much since the brand split, and is usually in one of the top two Smackdown! matches on each year's WrestleMania. XIX was an exception and he was way down the card, but the last five years he's either in the top match (XX, 23, XXIV) or the second match (21 and 22). Usually you want to have some sort of 'special' added to your top WrestleMania matches. In that five year stretch you have his return in the classic 'Taker gimmick, two World Heavyweight Championship matches, a Legend v Legend Killer match, and this, which is given a casket match stip because 'Taker/Henry on its own probably isn't big or special enough to be second from the top on the SD! side of things. So you've got two stories to work here. First is that Henry is the Rock of Gibraltar and 'Taker's struggle to get him off of his feet to get an advantage over Henry to roll him into the casket; second is that a casket match is a 'Taker match and Henry, having never been in a casket match, does not know what to do whereas 'Taker knows the casket match like the back of his hand. Henry is a great Rock of Gibraltar and 'Taker, despite being a giant himself, can and does bump like crazy for him. Henry is a tighter worker than Angle, so you'd expect this to be a tighter match than 'Taker/Angle, and it kind of is, though the match isn't really about that, it's about 'Taker trying to knock Henry down and Henry trying to figure out what to do. The neat thing is that neither really ever happens. Henry tries for a cover at one point, showing he is still totally lost in a casket match environment but also showing that he could have beaten 'Taker in a one-on-one match. He also only falls once, when he decides it's a good idea to go for ten punches in the corner on Undertaker. It is NEVER a good idea to go for ten punches in the corner on Undertaker, and it ends as it always does, in a Last Ride. Then we get the cool visual of the match, with 'Taker doing his running dive over the top rope AND the casket, which is just fucking crazy. After that it's a Tombstone and Henry is into the casket and that's the match. Henry looks like he can beat Undertaker but is undone by his inexperience against 'Taker and 'Taker type matches, 'Taker is once again saved by being in his own environment, good things for both guys. Match isn't great or anything, but it is pretty good.

11. Matt Hardy v Shelton Benjamin v Finlay v Rob Van Dam v Lashley v Ric Flair, WWE WrestleMania

Spotfests are really only as good as their spots. I tend to like the Money in the Bank ladder matches because they deliver fun, memorable spots, this one being no different. Flair is a crazy motherfucker in 2006, here he takes two bumps off the top of a ladder. The angle with him being removed from the ladder superplex only to come back later in the match is well done, though if the match was longer than twelve minutes it would have been better. Finlay holds the match together and takes everyone's big moves, Hardy probably looks the best of everyone by hitting lots of big stuff without really taking a whole lot, Lashley is booked well as unstoppable monster, Benjamin and Van Dam manage to do some athletic things without fucking anything up which is pretty much the most you can ask of them. RVD is crazy over with this crowd and I'm glad he gets the win. Too bad he likes drugs so damn much.

12. Edge v Mick Foley, WWE WrestleMania

Spotfests are really only as good as their spots. I tend to not really like hardcore matches. Either you get a lot of stupid weapon shots worthy of the Attitude Era hardcore division (cookie sheets, trash cans, road signs), or you get excessive gore worthy of mid-2000s horror movies. In the late 90s and early 00s I played a lot of Roller Coaster Tycoon. I'd build my own custom roller coasters specifically to make the guests in my park throw up. Eventually I moved to building roller coasters specifically to kill guests. I went to Disney World and Canada's Wonderland in 2001 and realized that two years of killing people on my custom roller coasters had left me very uneasy around real life roller coasters. I rode an old rickety wooden coaster at Wonderland and I could feel the wood shaking around me and that was it, I was done. Pretty sure I haven't been on a roller coaster since and it will stay that way. Around the same time I played a lot of Resident Evil and Mortal Kombat. Being in that 10-14 bracket, I thought all the blood was super cool. Now obviously those games are a pretty cartoon-y representation of blood and gore, but when the mid-2000s came around and movies like SAW got really popular, I couldn't do it. Showing close-ups of someone getting cut open, showing close-ups of people having their bones crushed, showing people cutting themselves, etc. Sorry, just can't do it. I guess I'm overly squeamish, I don't know, I just don't like close-ups of blood and gore. A lot of times in hardcore matches you get things like that, and I don't like it, no sir.

This match is more of the first category of hardcore match, namely 'do you remember the Attitude Era'. There are ways to take Attitude Era garbage matches and make them really work. Finlay and JBL had a pretty awesome Attitude Era garbage match at WrestleMania XXIV, because you had a hate-built storyline surrounding the match and they go in and pound the fuck out of each other in a hate-filled manner. Foley and Edge have a hate-filled storyline surrounding the match but decide to pretty much work 'do you remember' style instead. At least they don't start off with a lock-up, the match probably wouldn't have made the list if they did. They start with Edge missing Foley with a baseball bat. How do you miss Mick Foley with a baseball bat? He's 300 pounds of donut. Generic cookie sheets to the head, do you remember the Attitude Era? Foley brings out the barbed wire bat, do you remember Catcus v HHH? Edge brings out the thumbtacks, do you remember Mankind v Undertaker? Foley tries to set up a conchairto, do you remember Edge and Christian? Edge douses Foley in lighter fluid, do you remember ECW? Foley brings out Mr. Socko, do you remember 1998? For a match that is supposedly occurring because two guys hate each other they sure are working Kurt Angle 'my match with Samoa Joe will be match of the year' style. You don't ever get the sense they want to hurt the other guy, you get the sense they want to tear the house down. They also make the mistake of pulling out a table halfway through a match and then bringing out lighter fluid a minute later. No one is going to buy anything you do after that. It is 2006, we know you're doing a flaming table. We know the match isn't going to end until you use the flaming table. You're trying to tease us with what's coming, instead you just killed the next several minutes of your match.

Not all is bad, Edge takes a champ back bump into the tacks and in general looks like a superstar. The move to Smackdown! and the way he's being written and booked now has really killed him, but he was fucking awesome on RAW. Lita is a really great second and sells barbed wire Socko to the mouth better and longer than either man sells any of the weapon shots in the match proper. The big spot at the end is actually rad as shit, Edge spears Foley off the apron through the flaming table. I always liked the flaming table part of it but the more I re-watch it, the more I notice how fucking nutty that spear is. Edge sells the spot great by convulsing and trembling his way to cover Foley and then get the fuck out of dodge. The table spot saves the match and makes it a fun little spotfest with stuff that you don't always see in WWE anymore. Still, it's a spotfest on a card with three spotfests, and MITB had more good spots, and the street fight somehow brings more hate. I once had this as my #2 match of the year, boy was I wrong.

13. Kurt Angle v Randy Orton v Rey Mysterio, WWE WrestleMania

The best thing in this match happens right away: Orton hits Angle with the title belt, starts an exchange with Rey that ends in dropkicking him out of the air, and then gives this great shit-eating grin before going into his bullying shtick. This is a reasonably fun sprint but it feels pretty contrived at the same time. You'd expect to see something like this in a TNA X Division title match, not the semi-main event of WrestleMania for the heavyweight belt. This is extravagant in all of the wrong ways. In nine minutes, we have four German suplexes, two different Orton backbreakers, a double German suplex, a top rope rana, a vertical suplex from the apron, an RKO, three Angle Slams (one of which is countered into an arm drag), two ankle locks (both get submissions, though the ref doesn't see either), a tilt-a-whirl head scissors, three 619s (one countered into an ankle lock, one which leads to the pinfall), a springboard leg drop, a pop-up belly-to-belly suplex, and two springboard seated sentons (one of which transitions into some flip thing and gets the pinfall). Like, why? Sure, it's entertaining as fuck to just sit back and watch three guys throw bombs at each other, but there isn't a whole lot of rhyme or reason to any of it.

No comments:

Post a Comment