Friday, July 31, 2009

2009 Running MOTY List

1. John Cena v Shawn Michaels, WWE, 1/12
2. Matt Hardy v Jack Swagger, WWE, 1/13
3. Jack Swagger v Matt Hardy, WWE, 1/25
4. Big Show v MVP, WWE, 1/16
5. John Cena v JBL, WWE, 1/25
6. Finlay v Jack Swagger, WWE, 1/6
7. Jeff Jarrett v Kurt Angle, TNA, 1/11
8. John Cena and Shawn Michaels v Chris Jericho and Randy Orton, WWE, 1/5
9. Big Show v Festus, 1/30
10. Big Show v Triple H, WWE, 1/9
11. Chris Sabin v Alex Shelley, TNA, 1/11
12. John Cena v Shawn Michaels, WWE, 1/26
13. Jeff Hardy v Edge, WWE, 1/25
14. The Miz and John Morrison v Rey Mysterio and Kofi Kingston, WWE, 1/5

9. Big Show v Festus, WWE, 1/30

When I started watching matches to do a list for the year I sort of set a rule for myself to consider nothing under four minutes. I was watching some Boogeyman squash matches where everything he did looked sensational because they got a local job guy who could bump like crazy for him, and I just figured it’d kind of be unfair to count those matches because they’re so much easier to watch. But you know what? Fuck that rule, because this match wasn’t even three minutes and it was fucking AWESOME. I am “deducting marks” so-to-speak for lack of length, and I really would dig the fuck out of a good twelve minute match with those two, but while this lasts it’s way, way better than those Boogeyman-type squashes I was trying to avoid. Two huge dudes just hammering the crap out of each other for a good couple minutes? Sold! Show’s DDT was awesome, Festus’ corner DDT was less awesome but his punches totally made up for it, and honestly this has left me wanting Jesse and Festus opposite Show and Jericho. Pretty much the perfect way to work a short match, TNA should take notes.

12. John Cena v Shawn Michaels, WWE, 1/26

This is from RAW the night after the Royal Rumble, and I think everyone in the entire company went out and hit lines off of Candice Michelle or something post-Rumble because EVERYONE was off all show. This match definitely doesn’t escape that and coming both off their match with each other two weeks earlier and the emotion charged Rumble title match with both involved, this is just incredibly disappointing. It kind of feels like the weird, retarded lovechild of those two matches. It has the cool ideas and transitions of the first match, such as Shawn countering the Five Knuckle Shuffle into a crossface, only it’s just about the worst crossface I’d ever seen to that point (it was that kind of night). It was building to the same storyline advancement hot finish, and it was a pretty great finish, but the body of the match wasn’t as good as that match’s. So it’s really the retarded lovechild however that’s kind of like giving Ryan Gosling and Megan Fox a retarded lovechild. Sure it’s retarded, but it’s also probably still hotter than 90% of the people in the world. I… don’t really think that analogy works, but what I’m going for is that the first two matches were so good that even the stupid mash-up of them is just good enough to make the list. Also can someone tell me why Shawn refuses to get hair plugs? I could pretty much see straight up scalp when Cena had the STF on. I mean Jesus, I can’t possibly imagine staring at that nonsense in HD.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Running 2009 MOTY List

Man, fuck watching TNA, I want to watch some shit I actually LIKE. New entries on the list are in bold, explanations below.

1. John Cena v Shawn Michaels, WWE, 1/12
2. Matt Hardy v Jack Swagger, WWE, 1/13
3. Jack Swagger v Matt Hardy, WWE, 1/25
4. Big Show v MVP, WWE, 1/16
5. Finlay v Jack Swagger, WWE, 1/6
6. John Cena v JBL, WWE, 1/25
7. Jeff Jarrett v Kurt Angle, TNA, 1/11
8. John Cena and Shawn Michaels v Chris Jericho and Randy Orton, WWE, 1/5
9. Big Show v Triple H, WWE, 1/9
10. Chris Sabin v Alex Shelley, TNA, 1/11
11. Jeff Hardy v Edge, WWE, 1/25
12. The Miz and John Morrison v Rey Mysterio and Kofi Kingston, WWE, 1/5

3. Jack Swagger v Matt Hardy, WWE, 1/25

MATT HARDY NEARLY KILLS HIMSELF ON A MOONSAULT FOR OUR SINS! The cool thing about rematches where the heel took the first match over the ace babyface is that the dynamic almost always changes. You see this a lot in John Cena matches, especially over 2008. Once the babyface is no longer working as champion, their matches become more about their offense and less their selling. For a good couple of years Matt Hardy was pretty much your middle card ace babyface in the sense that he was always having matches built around him selling. After going to ECW he moved up to the top of that card until he lost to Swagger in the first match between them. So this is really the first time we’ve seen a match that’s built around offense from Matt. It’s also the end of his babyface run because he turns heel later in the show. However, the other thing about rematches in such a situation is that they’re usually not as good. Don’t get me wrong, this is still a fucking awesome, awesome match, with great sequences of offense from Matt (his punches are particularly bang on, and that’s saying something, it’s not like Matt Hardy is Shane McMahon) and Swagger still finding it in him to ruin Matt’s arm even while taking an ass-kicking, but it worked better with the roles flipped. That said I did have to watch the two matches back to back to make up my mind, and I’d expect both of the matches to make the year end list. Really too bad we never got a third one.

6. John Cena v JBL, WWE, 1/25

It’s funny, this match is better than all of the Cena/JBL matches from 2008. All of JBL’s stuff (and isn’t it funny how half the time when I talk about wrestlers, I sound like I’m talking about pitchers?) looks really brutal, Cena was firing on absolutely all cylinders at this point, everything they do together looks good and builds well. However, and this is the funny part, it’s basically all irrelevant. This match is pretty much entirely about Shawn Michaels and the interplay between him and the other two. As cool as it is to listen to Jerry Lawler, himself known for excellent punches, speak in awe of JBL slugging Cena in the face, this match is more or less a study in wrestling character drama. Everything builds to the moment when Shawn has to interfere and in the process it leaves everything else feeling like an exhibition. As an exhibition, it’s a damn good one, and Shawn makes great conflicted faces the whole time up until the ref bump, which itself is well done. The finish is one of those incredibly simple yet incredibly gratifying WWE deals, along the lines of the count out spots that a hot crowd will just eat up and make you smile while watching them do so. Shawn kicks JBL, his evil boss that everyone hates, and everyone goes nuts, Shawn looks like he’s about to cry from the joy of getting to kick JBL, Cena looks incredibly proud, and then Shawn kicks Cena, everyone boos, Shawn rolls JBL onto Cena and walks off. Cena of course ends up kicking out and EVERYONE buys the nearfall. Again I saw this show in a movie theater, everyone there popped huge for the kick out. The best part is that the ref bump to finish is a full quarter of the match and yet there’s like three moves in it. It’s just that kind of match, simple yet effective, with a very gratifying finish. Yeah you see it coming from a mile away but it’s so well done that you cheer and you smile at everyone else cheering. Sometimes knowing that the innocence isn’t entirely lost is enough.

11. Jeff Hardy v Edge, WWE, 1/25

Possibly the worst looking match that will make the list this year but hey it’s early and there were a couple of really cool moments here, not the least of which was Jeff Hardy’s face paint managing to stay on for the entire match. Edge is one of the most infuriating things in wrestling for me, because I really like the guy and all but he’s just been so, SO bad for years now. For some reason he started getting booked as super diabolical heel with all this methodical offense and it’s just the worst fucking thing because it’s stripping like everything he’s good at doing from him and trying to make him be Triple H, which he’s no good at. Of course Triple H isn’t really working well as Triple H these days either but that’s another thing for the list really infuriating things. Edge had a street fight with Matt Hardy on the Smackdown! before this show and it fucking sucked. How the fuck does one have a bad match with babyface Matt Hardy? And yet Edge pulled it off. Two days later and we have this, which is just so much better. Of course you still have the lengthy Edge methodical control segment in the middle which is awful. For whatever reason he decides to sell all of Jeff’s offense by laying around and then limping towards Jeff to lay in some shitty offense of his own. At one point it feels like we’re waiting five minutes between exchanges and Edge throws a sub-Maria level forearm and I get visibly angry. So of course all of the good stuff here is led off by Jeff. I’m always very irritable when there’s a big heated grudge match and they start off with a lock up. A fucking lock up. Thankfully Jeff goes right after Edge to start things off which is much appreciated. Pretty much immediately after that the match dies until Jeff gets a really sweet looking Twist of Fate onto the apron, and in fairness Edge bumped for it real well. Jeff also almost murders both himself and Chavo Guerrero by trying to do a splash off of a ladder to an announce table, only he loses his footing and just kinda flails to the table and the entire time down everyone watching is seriously worried we’re about to witness a tragedy. That is both a good and a bad thing, the bad is obvious, the good is because it does add to the match a bit. Jeff Hardy matches kind of need that “sweet Jesus he’s going to kill himself” feel to them, plus if Jeff breaks his neck or something maybe it’d be believable that Edge’s shitty offense would be remotely effective. Matt and Vickie Guerrero come out for the finish, and of course the part of the match where they load up on talented people is the best part. The Matt turn was actually really awesome, I watched this in a theater with a bunch of people who were all legit shocked by the turn. Matt locks on that hate-filled glare and refuses to let it go for what seems like forever. Plus he was still selling his arm injury from the opening match! Fuck Matt Hardy is awesome.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

TNA Victory Road 2008

I had so much fun last time that I decided to do another!

Ahahahaha just kidding the show I actually wanted to watch is at my friend Bea’s house. Watching this show is basically going to be tantamount to self torture and I’ve eaten something like three bags of Doritos to get amped up for this show. It didn’t work and now I’m probably going to die young. Sweet.

Team Japan vs Team Mexico vs Team International vs Team TNA

TNA is apparently now a country, as is ‘International’, both of which are news to me. For whatever reason it takes fucking ten minutes into the show before a bell rings and when it does it’s for a God damn five hundred man match. There are a ton of dudes here that I basically only know from EWR and that pretty much sums up TNA’s entire existence right there. A bunch of really fast shit happens that looks extremely choreographed. Milano Collection AT is really the only one hitting anyone with anything resembling force whatsoever, so of course he gets pinned third following a double team move from Sabin and Shelley that misses COMPLETELY. This sucks because I hadn’t even figured out what team he was on, and thus hadn’t figured out who I want to win. I mean I’m not cheering for the “home team” because they called it Team TNA. It’s a principle thing. More really fast stuff happens, still doesn’t look any less like a total exhibition. Basically textbook TNA X-style wrestling that starts out with some rules that aren’t explained, ignores those rules anyway, features a ton of flips, and is completely devoid of any context. I mean fuck this match is literally a round robin match for a match later in the show. I think I’ve confused myself at this point. I remember seeing this really crazy praised, couldn’t tell you why. Very fast, not very good. At least they delivered ‘total non-stop action’.

Ten more minutes before the next match. What the fuck? Remember that time I said ‘at least they delivered ‘total non-stop action’’? I take it back.

Angelina Love vs Gail Kim

Gail Kim throws harder forearms than Doug Williams. That is both a compliment to Ms. Kim and a ‘wtf dude’ to Mr. Williams. I mean I know those Japanese boys are pretty and all but come on. Gail locks on a half-assed figure four around the ring post which is apparently shades of Bret Hart. Um, ok. Angelina is wearing these glorious tight black pants. How tight you ask? You can see her snatch when she bends over. Like the whole thing, possibly inside of it as well. She also runs pretty hilariously, like she’s been hypnotized into thinking she’s wearing heels and doesn’t want to fall and break something. Kind of feels like the entire middle of the match is missing because it basically goes right from the opening exchanges to the ‘omg why didn’t she stay down’ nearfalls, but whatever, this was pretty fun.

Shockingly good hype video for Lethal vs Dutt. Sonjay in particular comes off as really fucking awesome, which is a sense I’ve never gotten from him before. Then again I largely see him in TNA’s X Division and, as seen in the first match, that’s not the best place to build and use a character.

Sonjay Dutt vs Jay Lethal

Man I really loved this angle a lot. Totally should have paid more attention to TNA last summer just for this. Then again, probably not. But I liked this match a lot. The finish really sucked, particularly for a grudge match, but I thought this was a million times better than that opening clusterfuck. Best thing I’ve ever seen Sonjay in, Val was believable as the concerned onlooker, would have liked to see more hate fire from Jay but he was still good.

Beer Money Inc vs LAX (c)

I saw a bunch of guys come out with straps. They stood around the ring. I started paying attention to other stuff. I love Homicide and all but these ‘fan revenge’ matches are dumb.

Awesome Kong vs Taylor Wilde (c)

Taylor Wilde has the second worst wrestling music I’ve ever heard, the worst being that of the Motor City Machine Guns. I think last TNA review I did mentioned something about how the TNA girls like to brag about how they’re serious athletes and not whores like the WWE girls. Why is it, then, that so many more TNA girls have tongue rings, the international sign for ‘will suck your dick’? Hell the only tongue ring I can even think of in WWE is CM Punk. Anyway there’s like a match going on here or something, and Kong just absolutely ruins Wilde. Taylor is all oh haha I’m going to throw some crappy ass forearms at your stomach my name is Doug Williams and meanwhile, Awesome Kong is a) awesome (Awesome?) b) used to working Gail Kim. So Kong quickly nixes that idea and starts tossing Taylor around before Taylor wins with a roll up. Pretty good little match, probably the best thing on the show to this point, which tends to be how things with Kong work.

Post-match Kong beats the shit out of Taylor which I am totally down for. Then Abyss comes out and I decide my cat wants some attention. He doesn’t at first but he comes around and I get to completely avoid Abyss rescuing Taylor.

Awfully dramatic build video for a match that basically consists of four skinny dudes running and flipping really fast while some fat guys who got into a wrestling show for free watch indifferently. T-N-A!

Naruki Doi vs Volador Jr vs Daivari vs Kaz

It is AMAZING how much Daivari and Kaz look like legitimate US heavyweight wrestlers next to skinny as Naruki Doi. Daivari looks hilariously like Aladdin with a beard with those damn pants. This was a lot slower and better paced than the opener and thus I thought it was a lot better. Still not better than Kong-Wilde, probably a bit better than Lethal-Dutt just because of that dumb fucking finish, and I really don’t care that much because I’m not doing a match ranking! Fine match.

Team 3-D and Kurt Angle vs Rhino, Christian Cage, and AJ Styles

Interesting. When I watched TNA regularly Styles was the comedy guy in Christian’s stable, and later the comedy guy in Angle’s stable, and yet here he’s the big name on the babyface team. That’s pretty cool for AJ, hopefully they put the big title on him sooner than later and give him a long run with it. Or he leaves and goes to WWE so I can see him in matches I give a shit about. Either or. Match stipulation ends up being Full Metal Mayhem, which apparently is code for ‘exactly what you’d expect if you put six guys in a TNA ring with no rules EXCEPT NO RULES 1999 oh fuck yeah’. To make matters worse Rhino and the Dudleys/z are basically useless, and Kurt Angle is pretty much a cripple who was never much good (but at least you can cover for him when you have actually good dudes in with him, not much covering for fucking Bubba Ray). I guess a nice way of talking about this match would be to say “it was a bit better than the five man ladder match from the previous show” but really for multi-man gimmick matches I’m not particularly convinced this was any better than the four-way. Probably a bad idea to run two multi-man spotfests back to back like that. Especially if the one with wrestlers that people care about is inferior.

Booker T vs Samoa Joe (c)

I spent way too much time thinking about the word Joe while the pre-match crap was going on and now I think it’s the most hilarious word I’ve ever seen. So much so that I’m actively being distracted, watching Joe do stuff and giggling hysterically by how funny his name is. Now, apparently when I laughed really hard my eyes shut like Cartman. I managed to work myself up to the point where I MISSED Joe’s blade job. I finally notice it and holy shit he gigged the fuck out of his head for a match that no one really seems to care about. However, the match is actually pretty good, they work well together, Booker is fine, Joe is good, I’d actually say this is the best thing on the show and a worthy main event. The ref bump, however, totally sucks, and I wish the camera didn’t constantly cut to Sharmell in the first row. In general I just wish TNA camera work wasn’t so awful. I mean Joe doesn’t actually crush his opponent’s face into the guard rail with the Ole Ole kick, that’s obvious. ROH masks this by showing it from behind and at an angle, because that’s just logic. TNA, a bigger company than ROH with a national television deal and supposedly people who know how to shoot live wrestling, manage to fuck it up so you can see Joe miss. Just embarrassing. Booker gets cut open too. Joe kills everyone that gets in his way, which is so fucking awesome because Joe in full out kill mode is really awesome, and it totally holds the match together even after the shitty ref bump and the shitty clusterfuck that this tries to become. Sting comes out to get Joe to stop. It’s funny because Booker at this point is laid out and you have to figure he’s going ‘thank God I can’t get blamed for this shit’. So Joe starts walking off with Sting, then makes a ‘lol ya rite’ face and turns around and goes back to wreck Booker some more. Sting is all ‘hey man wtf’ and Joe flips him off and says ‘fuck you’. Like you can read his lips and everything, Joe rules. Sting then lays out Joe and Sharmell counts the pin for Booker. In summary, body of the match was good, everything after the ref bump except for Joe sucked a huge cock, Joe was awesome throughout, finish was completely FUBAR. I love me some Joe, but this doesn’t give one a good feeling going forward into their next show. Which I own, and will force myself to watch at some point. This is still better than the last show though.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

TNA Slammiversary 2008

Petey Williams (c) vs Kaz

It’s Canada Day and I am fucking bored and would rather do anything than read about Brian Burke’s butchering of my beloved Leafs and Bob Gainey’s hilarious skull rape of the rival Habs and so for some reason I’ve decided to watch some TNA DVDs. Naturally this means that Petey Williams, a boring Canadian wrestler, is going to be in the opening match, defending his TNA X Division Championship, so named because TNA thinks that every wrestling fan in the world is still rocking the 90s slang. While watching this match I couldn’t help but think how much better it would be if Mark Henry was in it, which reminded me that ‘oh yeah I have a wrestling blog’, and so I decided to write about this show. Unfortunately the match is so boring that I actually ended up Wiki’ing Kaz to see if he was also a boring Canadian wrestler (he is not). He ends up bleeding a ton from a lead pipe that actually looks like the world’s tallest beer can, which is unfortunate if it’s hardway because it looked ridiculous and stupid as fuck if it was a blade job. Petey wins, Petey’s cool little stable of him, Scott Steiner, and Rhaka Khan beat up Kaz, Abyss makes the save. I was forced to Wiki Abyss to see if he was a boring Canadian wrestler. He isn’t.

Eric Young, a boring Canadian wrestler, starts some wacky show-long running gag where they get a fake Elvis. It’s stupid. A video package on Kevin Nash, who is awesome, but the package kinda sucks. Interview with Nash which is alright. Video package for the three-on-three women’s match and there is nothing more pathetic than TNA’s tits division doing videos about how they’re serious athletes whereas WWE’s tits division is not. Especially if you’re going to put fucking ODB in the package, given that she’s awful and her gimmick is literally ‘look at my tits’. When your most credible ‘we are real athletes not just cheesecake’ advocate is fucking Angelina Love, who’s entrance consists of getting in the ring and showing her ass for a full minute so we all get the idea that her ass is more important than her athletic ability, then you can fuck right off with your moral crap. Then a weird 14 second shot of what I think is supposed to be Elvis’ house but I wasn’t paying attention. “Finally” a match.

Angelina Love, Velvet Sky, and Moose vs Gail Kim, ODB, and Roxxi

The Beautiful People are kind of awesome. I mean they named their friend “Moose” because she is all big boned and shit. So Angelina and Velvet are tons of character-based awesome but unfortunately everyone else here pretty much sucks. Moose comes from the Beth Phoenix school of ‘trick people into thinking you are a female Vader by being bigger than the average woman’s wrestler and yet don’t actually have any sort of good-looking power offense’. I’ve actually liked Beth for a while now but I’m not sure how much of that is opponents because I’ve trained myself to kinda just ignore Beth Phoenix matches. I’m also not sure what the hell that has to do with anything but whatever, too late now. Moose actually has the worst looking offense of anyone here, and that’s saying something. Roxxi has this pretty awesome big wind up on her forearms but instead of fastballs they’re change ups and come in super slow. Everyone on the internet goes nuts for Gail Kim, but everyone on the internet is also a hentai-watching pervert who has masturbated at least once to Misty from the Pokemon cartoon. Gail Kim would literally not have a career in professional wrestling, or at least she would not have a FOLLOWING in professional wrestling, if she wasn’t a little Asian girl who wears sexy shorts that ride up her ass. I’m sure ODB has a blast with her character and it’s pretty cool when people are into it but it’s basically the worst thing I’ve ever seen. I mean at least her shit looks more hurty than Moose’s, but watching her wrestle is not good times. Even the ref for this match is positively retarded. The guy is in shorts and fucking knee high socks. What the fuck is that? Still I was somehow starting to think that this was a decent little six-man (woman?) and then ODB wins with the worst powerslam ever. Eh, it was better than the opener.

Immediately we cut to another kinda shitty video package, this time on Rhino, and thank God we do because from the way ODB is groping herself I’m almost positive we’re about to see some squirt action going on. Rhino gets the requisite post-video interview. Video package for 3-D vs LAX. It’s… well it’s like all the video packages.

LAX (c) vs Team 3-D

Homicide and Hernandez are totally awesome and Shelly Martinez and Hector Guerrero as running buddies does nothing to detract from that. Team 3-D are two dudes that I’d like to be into because they seem cool and all but I can’t shake the feeling that they’re just not very good and pretty much are only still around because people were super into tables that broke in 2000. My suspicions are confirmed when the crowd immediately says ‘fuck this match WE WANT TABLES *clap clap clapclapclap* WE WANT TABLES *clap clap clapclapclap*’. Whenever I see Homicide in TNA I’m immediately reminded that I have much, much better Homicide that I could be watching, and then I get sad that there’s not really anywhere viable that he can go and be super awesome Homicide consistently. Everything about this match is pretty boring, and totally gives the crowd away as people who don’t follow the show at all. The only thing they do all match is chant for tables. Waste of my mothafuckin’ time!

Awesome Kong vs Serena Deeb, Awesome Kong vs The Artist Eventually Known As Sojourner Bolt

I had to look up who the hell Serena was until she said her name and coincidentally she just signed with WWE so good for her! Kong wins both of these and this is a total time waster. Serena’s purple g-string is probably the most positive contribution she makes. The two matches work together though because Serena and her g-string getting murdered gets the crowd totally amped for Sojourner to beat the big bad black lady. You have to remember we’re in Memphis and they probably don’t take too kindly to the darkies. Sojourner has blonde in her hair so I guess she doesn’t count. It’s all actually kind of awesome and honestly this whole bit is the best thing on the show to this point. And yes, I’m aware I just called it a time waster beforehand. It’s that kind of show.

The Eric Young/Elvis thing gets its payoff and it’s horrible. I think Eric Young mocked Mr. Kennedy. YOU’RE ERIC YOUNG.

Jay Lethal marries So Cal Val OR DOES HE

I think wrestling weddings are pretty uniformly awesome. Amazingly they actually put So Cal Val in a wedding dress that not only covered more of her up than normal, but covered her up more than most wedding dresses cover up. Sonjay Dutt interrupts the ceremony because he’s covered in bacne and wants himself some ginger ass. All hell breaks loose and this is awesome. Really awesome.

What’s not awesome is the Booker T stupid fucking insider interview. NO ONE WATCHING WRESTLING WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT WRESTLING RATINGS JUST FUCK OFF.

Kurt Angle vs AJ STyles

A surprisingly awesome video package for a heated blood feud grudge match! Hey this match should start with some sweet punches right oh wait what the fuck is this collar and elbow tie up shit here for? This match is really long but it’s boring without much to it. You can again tell that the crowd doesn’t give two fucking shits about TNA because this is the heated grudge match and no one cares at all. Near falls that don’t get any crowd reactions? Awful. The match is slow, but not ‘slow and methodical’, just ‘slow’. Really disappointing and not worth many words or even bad jokes.

Samoa Joe (c) vs Christian Cage vs Booker T vs Robert Roode vs Rhino

King of the Mountain is a stupid gimmick because it’s needlessly complicated. Not complicated in the sense that it’s actively hard to follow or understand (like most stupid gimmicks in TNA) but complicated in the sense that there is absolutely no reason for someone to have come up with this fucking shit. Once again this crowd just DOESN’T fucking care. Even the announced countdowns, which ALWAYS get a pop, don’t get anything. They kind of get into Joe and Christian doing dives but not even as much as they got into fucking Sojourner Bolt. This really should be the ultimate in crazy clusterfucks, because it’s a five-man match with a ladder in a promotion that encourages clusterfucks. Instead this is barely faster than the Angle/Styles match, with long periods of two dudes in the ring and everyone else laying around, way too long before the ladder and other weapons are introduced, and not much in the way of cluster spots. The finish is pretty cool where Joe lays out Roode to become eligible to win (what) and then just kinda goes ‘fuck it no one cares let’s just end this and go home’. Well he didn’t actually say that but I like to think he did. He actually did win the match pretty much right away though. Nothing special and it’s kind of funny how this multi-man ladder match filled with heavyweights is so much inferior to WWE’s multi-man ladder match filled with heavyweights from WrestleMania XXV and yet everyone bitched about how WWE was putting heavyweights in a ladder match. That actually is neither here nor there. TNA is kind of too boring to pay attention to for a full three hours without going on a tangent.

Show pretty much sucked. Nothing was really shitty or anything but the best match was a two minute woman’s squash and the best segment was a wedding. Well of course the best segment was the wedding because wrestling weddings rule. But yeah like I said nothing was super shitty but it was all really boring nothing matches. Watch something you like instead of this. I wish I did.