Smackdown Report for 1/1

Yeah we’ll see how long this shit lasts for.

Pretty neat video package of the past two weeks, Rey beating Batista to get a shot at Undertaker and then the subsequent shot at Undertaker, which Batista interrupts. This seems to be building a three way, the video in particular putting over that Rey can hang with these two and even win. I am fine with this.

This show features beat the clock which is fantastic for everyone who likes lots of short, not-very-good wrestling matches. Punk is out first, yet another great promo and Punk’s promos are pretty much the best thing in wrestling. Certainly in WWE. I mean not many other guys are cutting angry promos threatening to beat up everyone in the arena because they can’t raise their hand and follow directions like he has requested. I am excited to see him save people from the audience. Sadly I have to wait a week for it. But name dropping Minor Threat and Youth of Today always works for me so whatever.

MATT HARDY. I haven’t watched Matt Hardy in some time. Clearly he LOOKS worse than he did this time last year, but I’m actually excited to see if he is as good as he was this time last year or if the heel turn just totally murdered his career. Matt Striker is awfully cute trying to add some story background to the match but man, this could not have been more of a ‘nothing happens’ match if nothing had actually happened. It’s not shit or anything like that, they just kind of… do stuff for seven minutes. Evidently this will not be the match to determine if Hardy is any good still or not. I’ve my eye on you, sir.

Oh good, seven minutes of KANE. Dolph Ziggler really grew into something cool from working extensively with Finlay and Rey Mysterio last summer, then curiously they put the Intercontinental title on John Morrison instead and forgot Ziggler ever existed. Plus it`s probably a pretty fucking terrible idea to be working with Morrison a lot, lest one starts to strike like he has marshmallow hands. The first bit of this match is actually pretty cool, all this nice energetic stuff on the mat that I wouldn`t have expected out of a Kane match so I figure, you know what, I can watch this. Then Ziggler busts out the marshmallow strikes. Then there is a cutaway to the back as Punk and Luke Gallows watch this match with interest. I get why they do that, to get over Punk being interested in if someone will beat his time or not, but I HATE when they cut to someone watching a match. I WANT TO BE THE ONE WATCHING THE MATCH. Anyway then Ziggler puts on a sleeper hold that looks like he is trying to spoon with Kane. Yeah you dumped Maria, but I do not especially need to see you try to get nice and close with Kane, y’know? So I totally gave up on this match. Should have trusted my initial instinct to not bother with seven minutes of KANE.

Recap of Cena/Sheamus from the Monday show, if I wanted to be watching that show I would have. Skip.

The Great Khali squashes someone in a Carolina Panthers jersey. I do not care.

There is a Morrison vs Drew McIntyre Intercontinental title match because everyone must have a rematch. McIntyre is totally unable to take advantage of Morrison dangling from the middle rope by one foot in any sort of interesting way. It does lead to Morrison being hesitant to do his springboard nonsense, which was neat (as was the DQ finish), but fuck this match sucked. A parade of ginger strikes and similar bullshit. I actually seem to recall not hating what I saw of their TLC match so this was super disappointing.

I don’t think we should really be calling Mickie James and Beth Phoenix’s ‘match’ a match. It went what, two minutes? Then Layla and Michelle run in and somehow it ends with Beth killing everyone. Pretty much have to look at it as an angle. And it was a pretty cool angle actually, I’ve been pretty surprised with the Piggy James stuff. And Mickie was hitting Beth harder than anything from the last few matches. And I can always go for more Layla. But yeah this wasn’t a match.

Chris Jericho and Rey Mysterio had some really great matches against each other in 2009. So I get a bit excited for this match here but it’s only going seven minutes so that pretty much kills my excitement because you know damn well they’re gonna try to fit their entire 25 minute match into the smaller time frame. Plus after six months of Jericho teaming with Big Show, Jericho being anywhere without Big Show is massively disappointing. Although his promo is kind of surreal because I can’t remember seeing a singles promo by him for a long, long time. And it’s not like he’s a bad promo so whatever that was alright.

The match itself? Well I liked them putting over a count out win as a desirable result, but then they IMMEDIATELY do that God damn cutaway shit again. But that’s kind of a silly complaint (I am a Negative Nancy I guess) because this match is actually pretty fucking boss. Jericho cuts off Rey with a HIP CHECK. When I was younger I used to play in my grandparents’ living room and hip check my sister and have her hip check me. So that was a fucking fantastic cut off that I marked out for. It really is pretty much a miniature version of their matches from last summer, but those matches were great, this match had a springboard codebreaker and that awesome cut off, and this match was pretty great too.

Wait, R-Truth is in the main event? Oh fuck me. I’m going to go hunt for a Dreamcast instead of watching this shit.